Thursday, June 29, 2006

déjà vu

Yesterday was an odd day.

I am still stressed about the whole roommate/dog/insane parents/rental situation. I know it will be worked out. I just hate the feeling that I have, once again, let friends down. I somehow keep managing to do this without meaning to.

I'm making decent money at work finally... (Almost $800 in the past week. Not that I'll see that money anytime soon. Our paychecks are on a severe lag.) The "real" store is almost done. We should be able to move in just after the 4th. So there's that.

I went to Former Employer Corp. Co. yesterday for a training session. It was like being in the twilight zone. I felt like I might have a panic attack just from the smell of the place. I had never noticed what a distinct smell it had. Especially the restrooms.

When I pull up to the Fort Faux security gate, the guard almost let me in thinking I had forgotten my badge. No, I told him, I don't work here anymore. Haven't since January. The same thing happened at the front desk when I stopped to get my visitor pass. They offered to call my supervisor to let me upstairs. Once I got in, I ran into 3 people I knew who all said in varying ways, "What the hell are you doing here?"


And, boy, was it was exciting. Cold room. Stuttering instructor who couldn't pronounce the word "screen" so I kept wondering why the hell a string would be coming out of a mobile phone. It wasn't until he pointed to the "string" that I realised what the fuck he was he was talking about.

(One of my biggest pet peeves is when people who are public speakers can't speak. I had a teacher in high school who always said "acrossed" instead of "across." I know this is an Ohio thing. People say it all the time, but it makes me want to knock their teeth in.)

Back to the subject at hand... I ran into several friends in the parking lot on the way out. It was nice seeing them. I always hate losing friends because of a job change.

After work, I ran home to change clothes and relax for a little bit. Around eight I went to the hospital to visit my ex-stepmother, aka, my brothers' mom. She had surgery in town so I paid a visit. I chatted with her and her husband for about and hour.

Going to that hospital put a knot in my stomach. The entire drive there was strange. I know that route so well --- it was the first place I got directions to when I moved to Wilmington. It was the first place I went after unloading my car from the move. I went there every night after work for almost 2 months. I'd sit by the bed and knit and watch TV with Grandpa. I'd bring him tiny bottles of Pepsi and bags of popcorn - his favorite things. Whatever he needed or wanted from the outside world, I'd bring. He was always trying to shove a twenty into my purse when I wasn't looking.

I was just thankful that Grandpa didn't have to die in that place. He passed away at my Uncle John's house in the middle of the night. He was surrounded by family, not nurses. Or worse yet, alone. Going to the hospital made me realise that I really need to go to Jacksonville and visit his grave site. I've never done it. I don't know what I'd do. I visited my Grandmother's grave once and was a hysterical mess. I was close with her, but I was extremely close with my Grandpa. I hate going to Jacksonville now because I know he's not there anymore. He was the person that made that town tolerable.

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